Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
