Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i dont even know how to be here
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
