you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
