i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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