Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
