your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
