Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
