You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
