No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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