We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize