So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
