it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
