All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
