i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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