omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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