I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
