Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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