I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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