OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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