i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
