i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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