I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
