I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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