my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
