I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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