Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize