watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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