Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
