i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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