i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
