Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
