I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
