every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
