Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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