just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
