Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
