is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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