People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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