hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
