She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
