I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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