I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
