I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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