She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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