But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my shit smells like andre
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
