Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
