Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize