It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
