He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
