I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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