Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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