he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
