dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
