The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i drank out of a bidet.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize