Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
