Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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