they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
be right there i have to get my cape
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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