somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
