You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
