so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
