Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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