I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
