Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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