You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Of course I have a pirate flag
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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