My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
