loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
