dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
