Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
