Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize