So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
