i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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