24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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