my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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