I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
