dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
