I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
